By David Bozeman
Before I proceed, a quick disclaimer. I am not a licensed mental health professional or counselor. I speak as a regular guy. Anyone with thoughts of suicide should seek professional help immediately or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988.
If I lack the formal expertise to speak of the inner demons that drive 50,000 Americans a year to suicide (Centers for Disease Control numbers), I would like to address the external forces, the bumps and curves of life that diminish individuality and make suicide seem viable. I'm worried about guys such as myself. Elderly, middle-aged and unmarried men, men who feel disconnected from the world comprise an alarming percentage of yearly suicides (according to the CDC, the older a man, the greater his risk for suicide). As the titular obsolete man, I offer the following observations. Keep reading, it's not all bad.
1). Life has conditioned us to judge ourselves by worldly standards. We all, but especially men, predicate our self-worth on how well we perform. How much money do I make? How much will I make? How tough do I look to my friends? Author Warren Farrell (The Myth of Male Power and others) notes that while women are, indeed, treated as sex objects, men are deemed success objects, with our worth determined by cash, stuff and stature. If I fail as a man, I fail as a human being.
Sadly, the fear of someday being a burden on our loved ones adds yet another price tag, this one marked 'reduced sale,' to one's diminished self-identity. Possessing the potential for great achievement is certainly one of life's top selling points, but is that really the currency of human worth? Just your innate humanity, your existence as a person unto yourself, rates you far above the temporary and shallow standards of manhood (and life in general). To borrow a line from Farrell, a man is a human being, not a human doing.
But it's not just the acquisition of stuff (or the lack thereof) that makes life seem futile. It is the thought of being forgotten. Life shines all of its promise on youth, while some of us are waiting for destiny's call well into our 60s. The declining years are kinder to women (statistically speaking, in terms of life expectancy, social interaction and suicide rates), but the empty holidays and lonely Saturday nights of unmarried men just don't rank high as subjects of public concern.
2). Suicidal thoughts, however, don't always form in the dark night of despair. The public perception of suicide is a morose poem or brooding song lyrics. Sometimes just the drudgery and anonymity of everyday life with no end or purpose in sight can diminish one's desire to get out of bed every day. The empty, gray warehouses we see each morning on the way to work, the rituals at family functions that we can perform blindfolded, the last night of a three-day weekend, over a lifetime untouched by desire, hope and appreciation of our individuality, comprise a sameness that numbs and ultimately tortures the soul.
In closing, allow me to repeat, and I hope this is the one takeaway that every reader will share: your individuality alone rates your far above the temporary and shallow standards of manhood (and life in general). Proclaim your humanity with passion and without apology. You are priceless, and you cannot embrace your humanity without recognizing your capacity for love and self-expression. This discussion is far from complete but remember that the antidote to the cruelty and anonymity of life doesn't just lie within you, it IS you.
Comments welcome. davidbozeman63@gmail.com
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