An Obsolete Man Vs. Social Media

 By David Bozeman

Would you rather be a mentor or a social media superstar?

I just want to share important and inspiring messages. Part of making DOM possible is managing the mechanics of setting it up and, of course, marketing it. It's like telling an artist to find sheetrock and bricks and apply for a building permit to build a studio before he can do the one thing he loves - painting.

How does one soar above the logistics of modern-day living and just be free to create, to build, to be? To succeed today, so we are told, you must create multiple social media profiles. You must look twenty-five (how do I edit or do photoshop?) and sell your technical school diploma as if it's an Oxford degree.

And make contacts. I don't even like to ask a waiter for ketchup, but not marketing yourself is not an option. Like mingling in a cyber cocktail party, I'm supposed to add people - or rather, contacts - to my LinkedIn account. I set one up the other day and it remains a work in progress. Your information never measures up! An 'update profile' reminder is the only reward I get for selling my achievements as a writer and human being. Should I invest money for a profile "accessible to more people" or should I be a cheapo and settle for the free (and lesser) option? 

Such has always been the case. Creative minds have always had to maneuver minefields of regulations, details and self-promotion - just the cost of being an idealist in a world that requires pragmatism.

Despite the countless advantages of technology and social media, one of the disadvantages is that we find ourselves servants to an outlet actually created to serve us. What should offer a portal to our creative output becomes an end in itself. Facebook, Instagram and others devour time and passion, shortening our attention spans, maxing out our capacity for interest and fascination. But can we really live without them? As author Marshall McCluhan once said of television, "the medium is the message." How many likes on my latest post? How many likes on my comment on someone else's post? How do I launch a meaningful conversation in a universe where snark and shock garner all the attention?

For those of us who grew up before the Internet, promoting yourself meant simply a firm handshake and a pair of dress slacks. Presenting your writing required merely double-spaced, typewritten manuscripts. Today, just mastering Microsoft Word feels like an obstacle course of technical school proportions.

So, what are the lessons of my plunge into social media? I'm excited to connect with people! Still, a popular phrase (and title of a documentary detailing the Civil Right Movement) always redirects me to my highest goal - keep your "eyes on the prize." Your creation is your calling. Don't fret over social media likes - what is fashionable today may well be forgotten tomorrow. Quit scrolling your phone every ten minutes for updates. Put your nervous and restless energy to use: write, build, create, mentor. These are the activities that endure. Achieving your vision will always entail some headaches, no escaping that, but some market-tested, fleeting image on a flat screen is not you. And don't obsess over your aged face in your profile pic. You earned those lines. Share them with pride.

Finally, my social media pages (Facebook, X, LinkedIn) are informative and encouraging, but they serve as mere gateways to my blog, which is the real heart and voice of a personable man in an impersonal world.

Feedback welcome: davidbozeman63@gmail.com

                                  Facebook and X: diary of an obsolete man

Stop Talking About Men

 By David Bozeman

Why is there a site for the obsolete man?

Awhile back I decided to venture out and see if anyone spoke directly to or about guys such as myself: older, unmarried, still seeking place and purpose in an upside-down world. This led to a major revelation.

Naturally, I found social media sites with the usual memes and quick-read rants. I found numerous books that discuss the precarious state of modern manhood (alarming rates of suicide, isolation, delayed adulthood, males lagging academically behind their female counterparts, etc.)

So, yes, the 'important' people in society discuss my life and recognize the hurdles I face. Richard Reeves, author and Brookings Institute scholar gave us Of Boys and Men in 2022 (see my review at this site). From Broken Boys to Mended Men by one-time businessman Patrick Morely is "now available to pre-order" according to his website.

Even women write books and columns about my experiences (Kathleen Parker's 2008 Save the Males comes to mind). I applaud all the aforementioned authors (Wayne Ferrell, The Myth of Male Power and other works deserves mention) for highlighting an unfashionable subject in mainstream America.

Still, I feel somewhat disconnected from those who choose to speak for me. It's as if they talk about me but not to me. My day-to-day life doesn't connect with authors and academics - any more than their lives connect with mine. 

Laid off at 50, still seeking a soft-landing at 60, and a continuous cog in a working-class wheel, I have never attended a cocktail party or stood before a podium in a lecture hall.

Here's a radical idea: if anyone wants to know about the life of a regular guy, why not seek out. . . a regular guy? You can start by following my blog. If you consider my words shameless self-promotion you would be right. We obsolete men have been conditioned to be humble and self-effacing, but I will shout the praises of this site from the rooftops.

I can share with you first-hand the reality, not of all men, certainly, but of many men walking alone in a harsh, morally ambiguous, youth-centric world. The rigors and emptiness of survival, the repetitive motions and life-draining pitfalls cannot be found in statistics and data bits gathered by think-tank scholars but in the logistics of day-to-day living. I can tell you better than most that work taxes the mind and soul not just on the job site but on the drive to it. The scholars can examine the social ramifications of isolation and loneliness. I live it every day.

My observations do not favor one political side over the other (not to say that I'm apolitical, either). Public discourse resembles a blood sport, with snark and shock serving as weapons. Even the highly educated are not above shouting to gain relevance and promote their work. The obsolete man wasn't made for the Tik Tok era. Even when we jockey for position, we find ourselves still on the sidelines, politely waiting our turns.

This is truth, this is life. Here I claim my status not as a topic of discussion but as a man. I come to celebrate my - or rather OUR - potential. We obsolete men are not looking to bask in attention and material reward. We come to serve the less fortunate and nurture the next generations, though sometimes we feel the world doesn't want us. 

To guys or anyone like me, this is your community. Comment here or email me at davidbozeman63@gmail.com. Find me on Facebook or X: diary of an obsolete man. If I can't be your voice, let me be your motivation.