By David Bozeman
Part of being an obsolete man is constantly seeking an identity. Most of us are introverts, but sometimes even we long for group recognition to advertise on a t-shirt or maybe to celebrate in a parade. "Kiss me, I'm Irish" resonates beautifully. "Kiss me, I'm the old loner you see at the park," however, just doesn't sound appropriate for a bumper sticker.
What does the obsolete man consider his identity? Some of us gobble up any tidbit of recognition pop culture throws at us. Perusing the web recently, I found the term 'Omega males,' and the description jumped out and grabbed me as if to claim me for its own. Maybe I'm worthy of recognition after all! Omega male - it rolls smoothly off the tongue and sounds clean and futuristic.
Everyone knows Alpha males - bold, extroverted and ambitious. But Omega males comprise an alternate community, at least on social media. The thumbnail descriptions of the Omegas resemble a list of the traits that I HOPE people see in me: clear intentions, up front with others, not competitive, a child at heart, helpful, not concerned with status. Omegas are also intelligent, comfortable in their own skin, but, unlike their Beta counterparts, prefer to go it alone, not needing the approval and company of others - not that they can't be sociable. Their categorization is that they defy categorization., a fitting concept for men who delay marriage and eschew traditional he-man activity.
However, moving beyond the flattering adjectives, the textbook definitions of the various labels of men (and just WHY are there various labels of men?) leaves me even more confused and less sure where I belong in the Greek alphabet of manhood. Some attributes of Omega males describe me perfectly. Others, not so much (i.e., they don't overthink or overanalyze - that's my #1 pastime; also, no mindset to fight for anyone or anything - again, not me). Come to find out, I could just as likely be a Beta male (shy, introverted, not self-assured - similar to an Omega but more pitiable than unique). Or I could be a Sigma male (mysterious, self-sufficient, good listener). I'm getting a headache. . . Even the labels everyone can agree on eventually overlap, and no single designation can adequately define anyone.
So, where does that leave those of us longing for the camaraderie of collective recognition? When is our evening to celebrate at a bar (I don't drink, which leaves me doubly out of place!)?
Actually, I still take pride in the Omega label. As a home base, it's better than nothing. It's an image that honors our individuality and aloof mindset, not forgetting that we possess determination and purpose as well.
But really, trendy group names tossed to outsiders are as fleeting as the likes and clicks they are intended to generate. The camaraderie we obsolete men seek lives in the good deeds done humbly for one another and for strangers. A handshake, a hug (if we're lucky), a request for further support are the ultimate measures of our footprint in life. A simple home-cooked meal can substitute for a celebration at a bar - at least for me.
If you are fortunate, with age you will feel less of a need for the recognition from the cool kids. Still, you will always require some degree of friendship and community. You will find it on your own path and in your own time. However you label yourself - or if you don't - your masculinity does not require a label or an explanation. Your best expression of your unshakable humanity is all that matters.
